Gravity
by Mrs Turtle
Summary: A short sequel to Suspicious Mind, where the Hatter is trying to cope with being back in Arkham.


A/N: This is a sequel to my Mad Hatter story, Suspicious Mind. Enjoy!

Speak gently to the erring; know  
They may have toiled in vain;  
Perchance unkindness made them so;  
Oh, win them back again!

Excerpt from Speak Gently, by G.W. Langford

* * *

Arkham Asylum, the lunchroom; too few tables for so many patients. Offenders formed their own groups around crowded lunch tables.

In one far corner sat the Joker, Harley, and Poison Ivy, who were all picking off of a fourth plate at the end of their table. The sulking Jervis Tetch let them pilfer his food, only to hide from the guards that he refused to eat.

They didn't mind the sulking Mad Hatter as they socialized.

"I just don't see why Batman keeps her around," Ivy said, pushing her empty tray to the middle of the table.

"Well," The Joker said, "Batgirl has an important accessory that Batman can't duplicate."

"Bat-Boobs!" Harley blurted out.

"For lack of a better term," Ivy rolled her eyes.

"I just wanna say that again..." Harley grinned, "Bat-Boobs!"

Ivy nudged Tetch, "Too bad she grew up, huh Tetch?"

Before he got a chance to respond, a large figure pushed his way through the crowd, knocking Tetch in the back of the head. It was Killer Croc, trying to push his way to sit down at their table.

"There's no more room," Tetch said, "you overgrown twit."

An awkward silence ensued as Croc puffed up.

"At least David had the slingshot!" The Joker cackled.

"What'd you say, tiny?" Croc hissed, glaring down Tetch.

"Crocodiles can't hear?" Tetch balled his fist, "Your face frightens small children!"

Ivy, Harley, and Joker looked on as the two stared each other down; Croc sputtered and hissed while Tetch continued to stare. The tension was broken by The Joker.

"Seems ol' Hatter has a death wish going Croc," The Joker said, laughing, "why don't you help him out..."

"Where's my smashing rock?" Croc said.

"Again with the rock?" Tetch rolled his eyes. "Can't you even pretend, just for a second , to be a competent villain, worthy of being in our presence?"

"Want some ice for that burn?" Harley squealed.

"Now Harley," Ivy scolded, "don't provoke the imbecile."

Croc shook his head around as everyone laughed at him. "You know what?" Croc balled his fists and waved them in the air, "I'm gonna go read a book!" He got up from the table with a great huff and stormed off. There was quiet at the table for moment as everyone except Tetch tried to suppress their laughter.

"Everyone right with Jesus?" Joker chuckled, "Good."

"That was rather brave of you," Ivy said, turning to Tetch.

"When one has lost their only friend," Tetch said, pushing his tray aside as he stood, "Staring death in the face isn't as frearful as it once was."

"Don't ever leave me, Puddin'!" Harley said throwing her arms around the Joker. As the Clown Prince of Crime pushed back the onslaught of personal affection, Ivy watched as Tetch made his way out of the cafeteria. She followed, not wanting to stick around for the inevitable, and found Tetch sitting on a bench in the rec-hall, looking out the window at the downpour outside.

"When did it start raining?" Ivy asked, sitting next to him on the bench, her back facing the window. He only shrugged, not looking at her.

"I find you completely non threatening." She continued, trying to push through the silence, "It's reassuring to not be completely disgusted with a man."

"Shouldn't you be protecting Harley from the madman?" Tetch asked, off the cuff.

"She's a big girl," Ivy said, pushing a strand of red hair behind her ear and silently emitting pharamones, "Are you always this concerned about adults or am I missing something?"

"I could ask the same of you," Tetch said, finally drawing his gaze away from the window towards her.

"You know when Croc figures out he can't read he'll snap you like a twig..." Ivy said, meeting his gaze.

"So I've got about two weeks," He gave a weak smile, then gave a suspicious glance at their surroundings. Satisfied that the guards were out of earshot, he admitted, "Maybe I want it done sooner."

She nodded, "I thought as much. What if I make you a deal?"

"What do I have that you would want?" He asked, shrinking back.

"A means of escape," She said.

"Seducing your guards not a challenge enough for you?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"If you've learned, so have they," She said, crossing her legs.

"Why don't you just saddle up Killer Croc and ride him out of here?"

"The last time that lumux broke us out of here he went right to the doughnut shop," She said, grudgingly.

"What would I get in return for helping you?"

"You get my first born," She said with a roll of her eyes.

"Please," Tetch said, clearly trying to contain himself, "you insult my good name...And I know your lips are poisonous...I can only imagine what the lower ones would do to me."

"I figured you'd rather kill yourself slowly in paradise than in this place," She said, looking around.

"Slowly?" He swallowed a big lump.

"You know," She smiled coyly, "Nice beach, drink in one hand, Vicoden in the other."

"What do I need to do?" He questioned.

"Oh, nothing special really..." She said, playing with a strand of hair, I just need you to whip up a couple of your special little toys to help our escape."

* * *

The next week, Ivy lay awake in her bed, listening late into the night for a tell-tale knock on her cell door. The only sound she heard was a small package slipping through the meal-slot, and the silhouette of a guard leaving her door. She pulled out two mind control chips and a note. As she read the note, her face turned as red as her hair.

"Sorry, now that my partner in crime is dead and gone, I work alone. But to thank you for the wonderful suggestion, I left you a little something so you and Harley can get out of here.

-Yours truly, Jervis Tetch, your beloved Mad Hatter"

* * *

A small man lay on the beach, dark blue shorts hanging off his hips, top-hat covering his face, and ignorant of the shadow that loomed over his chair. He sighed, "Paradise never felt so free."

"You can say that again," A familiar voice sounded.

"You're dead," The first man said plainly.

"Doesn't mean I can't hang around," The shadow said.

The first man removed his hat and raised his drink in a toast, "To good friends and dying young."

As he said this, he poured the drink into the sand.


End file.
